I’m Outta Here!

Most of the threats we face are social, emotional and relational. These are sometimes backed up with the threat of or actual physical violence, or with social shaming or ostracizing.

When we’re faced with danger, our brain rapidly assesses the most likely outcome of survival. Flight is often our first strategy. We try to escape and get away from trouble if we can. If our opponent is bigger, stronger, or meaner, we might try fawning, appeasing or compliance. If we’re backed into a corner, we might try to fight our way out. If all else fails, we go into freeze and “play dead”.

One of the major mechanisms to protect ourselves is disconnection. We find some way to leave emotionally. We pay a high price for this. We long to connect with other people and to have a rich social network of friends and community. The problem is that we’re often hurt by others. Protecting ourselves leads to further isolation and cements the idea we’re not lovable.

We flee because we’re not sure we can afford to feel and see clearly.

I remember being anxious as a kid. I didn’t answer questions at school because I was afraid of getting in trouble. When my parents fought, I put on headphones and hid in my closet with my book and blanket. The only time I relaxed was when I was riding my bike as fast as I could go.