It was the first time I felt loved and protected

A friend of Lina’s once asked if she was afraid of her partner Eric. She was shocked and immediately said no, but wondered why her friend would ask such a question. It was only after she left him a few years later that Lina realized two things. Eric had many characteristics of a narcissist, and she had been emotionally controlled and abused by him. She wasn’t afraid of him physically, but she gradually gave up her autonomy through a combination of his love bombing her, and fear of abandonment as he would pull away when she didn’t go along with what he wanted.

Lina wasn’t a poster child for childhood abuse and she minimized the effect of neglect. Her parents were busy. They always fed and clothed her and there was no violence at home. She didn’t have it so bad. They moved a lot for her father’s job and she got used to being self-sufficient. She found people to hang out with but never developed deep friendships. In Grade 10, she was bullied by three “mean girls” and spent a miserable year hiding out in bathrooms at school and her room at home. Thankfully they moved again that summer, and for the rest of high school she kept to herself.

Lina’s relationship with Eric began in her 3rd year of university. She had dated occasionally but with him she felt seen and protected for the first time in her life. He expressed outrage at the girls who…