Righteous Anger and Moral Outrage

Someone is hurting us. We want it to stop.

“Rage is the biological force that protects that which is loved.” Valarie Kaur

We know anger as the fight response in our nervous system, the fiery energy of lashing out and fighting back. We recognize a transgression against ourselves. Someone is hurting us. We want it to stop. Our primitive brain generates a response of fight/ flight/ freeze. This is an unconscious response to threat and danger.

Anger is a natural response. What happens inside of us when it is not safe to express anger or even to let ourselves feel it?

In a family where there is physical violence, the strongest and biggest bully rules and the others submit. We feel powerless and outraged and we may in turn abuse people weaker than ourselves. Children can’t protect themselves from violence and they can’t afford to stand up to a parent who shames, shows contempt, or gives them the silent treatment.

How do we express ourselves in a culture where women are conditioned to niceness and “uppity women” are labeled nasty bitches? What happens in a culture where men are conditioned to suppress feelings and excused for their explosive anger? There is no intimacy without safety and authentic connection.