Someday my prince will come?

We are conditioned to believe we are “less than” without a successful relationship as defined by the dominant culture that centers the nuclear family as the right kind of family. Heterosexual. Male and female parents with children.

Someday my prince will come. When I meet that special someone, I will be happy. What’s new — are you seeing someone? Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Old maid. Loneliness is the new smoking. You’re a failure if your marriage fails.

Shaming ourselves for failing to have a “you’re my best friend, love you forever” marriage is like a woman with a healthy size ten body feeling like a failure for not having a size one body. We put too much pressure on a primary romantic relationship as a cure-all and an indicator of success. What if we were to first focus on emotional maturity, learning to like ourselves, and being on our own side?

We do not live in a kind, supportive culture. Extended family support is often missing as people move away for jobs or adventure. Some parents are abusive to their children and many more are disconnected — pressured and exhausted by the demands of life. People who are having trouble “coping” are stigmatized as having something wrong with them. Anxiety and depression were skyrocketing even before Covid-19.