We Are All Outsiders

The dictionary defines an outsider as a person who does not belong to a particular group. We are all outsiders from most groups.

I am an outsider to marathon runners, medical doctors, and chess champions. That’s neutral for me. I am not qualified for admission and I don’t care that I am not included.

I am an outsider in a Trump rally, a crowd of people sporting MAGA hats, or with anyone who believes that lesbians are less than human and they are entitled to hurt me through their laws, disdain or physical violence. That is far from neutral, not because I want to be included, but because there is a threat to me.

The trouble comes when we are an outsider in our family or social group where we want to belong, the exclusion is involuntary, and we experience shame because of it.

We have nervous systems that feel safer when we are included in a core group, like family or community. We band together for protection. It hurts when we don’t feel included in our family of origin, whether that is a lack of connection or outright rejection. We might express our distress outwardly through anger against people or inwardly through believing there is something fundamentally wrong with us.

The It Gets Better project is about maintaining heart until you find your group where you belong. The primary focus of the project is to…