What Lens Are You Looking Through?

It never occurred to me to think about my childhood as traumatic.

After working with me regularly for several months, many people tell me “I used to think you were overdoing it the way you keep bringing everything back to trauma. Now I get it.”

Looking through this lens helps us to let go of judgment and allows space for compassion. We become better able to set boundaries around hurtful behavior. We don’t personalize other people’s thoughts and reactions. We are steadier on our own two feet.

“The nervous system expects and craves reciprocal, synchronous interactions. We’re wired for that. Safety involves connection, not just a lack of danger. A child experiences a lack of connection as threatening.” trauma expert Dr Gabor Maté

It never occurred to me to think about my childhood as traumatic. I was raised in a family without violence or addiction. We were housing and food secure. I now understand that emotional neglect is included as traumatic because of the result — we feel disconnected and without value.

Trauma experts like Dr Gabor Mate have given us a new lens through which to understand our lives. We don’t “act out” because we are bad. We use whatever we have at hand to seek connection and escape the desperate feelings of being not…