When We Are Erased

When people objectify us, we feel erased.

Objectification is when we use another person as a way to fill our needs. This isn’t the interaction with others that happens all the time. We are lonely, call a friend and feel better just by feeling understood. They do the same.

Mutuality is missing when we objectify someone. They have a habit of calling us late at night and talk at us for two hours even when they know we have to get up early. They use us as a way to let off steam without caring that they leave us all stirred up. We all do this to some extent. Objectification is related to the profound disconnection from ourselves and others that is so pervasive in our culture. Even with good intentions, we don’t see the impact because we aren’t “home”.

Using others to fill our needs comes in many forms, many levels of intensity, and is largely unconscious in most people. We dehumanize people and turn them into an object. An example is that using a person’s body sexually would not be satisfying to someone who is connected to their own humanity and that of others. Coercion and force just don’t feel right. We make a bid for connection and when it’s not picked up, we respect that the other person wants something different from what we want. We leave it there.