Who’s Driving?

Why are we unable to turn off the screen or stop eating the cookies or go to bed when we’re tired?

We click on “Next Episode” even though we know we should turn off the screen and go to bed. We wake up in the morning feeling anxious but when we check in, we can’t find a reason. Even though we decided to cut back, we impulsively pop into a bar for just one drink on the way home. We want to connect with our friend but reaching out feels like too much. We were dreading Sunday dinner and swore to keep our cool then sure enough, Uncle Jack went off about vaccinations and we a) screamed at him and walked out b) went into fawning or freeze, trying to placate him into seeing reason, or c) sat there wishing the night was over and fantasizing about moving to the other side of the country.

What these experiences have in common is that they are rooted in survival responses driven by the primitive brain. Our nervous systems evolved to protect us primarily from predictable physical threats. Stronger animals or people can hurt us. Contain the cooking fire during the dry season. We need the protection of our family group to survive. This is hardwired in our primitive brain.

We remember everything scary or harmful from our past and our brain uses this as evidence to predict our present moment safety or level of threat…