Your Parents Did the Best They Could AND …

You were and are affected by your parents’ unhealed trauma, neglect, and abuse.

This does not change the fact and impact of your own experiences — you were and are affected by your parents’ unhealed trauma, neglect, and abuse. You have the right to set boundaries, and take physical and emotional space to work through your childhood trauma. You can be thoughtful and respectful about what you need even as you stand your ground.

Disruption in parent/child relationships are incredibly painful. Children and adults alike long for connection and inclusion. We also get triggered and sometimes lash out or freeze. We might take a chance and reach out for a deeper connection only to be rejected. It is hard to not take this personally, even when we understand it relates to their unhealed trauma and limitations. When we have a history of lashing out, our children may have very little tolerance for mistakes. They might set a boundary with us that feels confusing or unwarranted and we are struggling to honor their boundaries. Parent/child relationships are high stakes for everyone. They require that we each do our own work.

Intergenerational/historical trauma adds complexity. It helps to understand the lives of our parents as people with their own trauma. Our personal lives are in a…